Monday, June 7, 2010

Ants-ies in the Pants-ies


No, I'm not going to break out into dance. I've been feeling really anxious for some reason for the last few days, bordering on stomach sick anxious. I feel like I'm going to forget to do something important or I'm going to think that tomorrow is really another day and I'm going to sleep in and miss work. It has me really stressed out but I don't really understand why I'm feeling this way. I think that, in part at least, it's this new job. I'm working in Vancouver as a receptionist but the place that I'm working for doesn't get a lot of calls. The bosses intimidate me a little, because this is my first "grown-up job" and I feel guilty that I don't do anything other than answer the phone, which hardly rings. Mostly, I just sit at her desk reading a book or on the computer reading your lovely blogs. I'm doing this as a favour for one of the ladies that works out at Curves, my other job, and who is a friend of my mother's. She wanted to go down to 4 days a week during the summer so she asked me to come in and do the phones for her on Mondays, but she is also a bookkeeper so she has other stuff to be doing during the day as well.

I'm not understanding where it is all coming from, but it has certainly affected me in my eating and exericise. I was out to the gym yesterday and I am planning on going today after work, but my eating has been suffering. Friday night I ate a whole bag of chips to myself. Last night I binged on a bunch of cheesies. I don't know what my weight is at right now, I haven't even bothered to check.

I think that the single life is getting to me. I don't really have a lot of friends and I don't see the ones I do have very often because they are pretty busy. I need to get in touch with more people, all I've really done in the past few days can be summed up in four little words: Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I've been huddled on my bed watching my DVDs of seasons 1-4, out of 7 seasons. I love this show, but if I think about my behaviour critically, it paints a sad picture. Young girl, sitting alone in the dark, watching a fictional heroine slay monsters, eating a bag of chips, wishing she had a boyfriend.

Enough of the "woe is me" fest. Tonight I am going to the gym to get a work out in and tomorrow night there is a rugby skills seminar in Surrey that me and friend are going to. Rugby could be really fun to get into, I think that I may have a thing for rough sports (see the roller derby post). As long as it gets me off my ass and into a smaller pair of shorts, I'm okay with it!

PS: I keep forgetting to tell you all that I'm on Twitter now! No promises for fantastical stuff as I'm still trying to sort it out, but check it out, my username is MiaY238!

5 comments:

  1. Love BTVS. Of course, I watched it in its first run (and some reruns) and had such a crazy crush on Spikey.

    The anxiety sounds rough. You need to find stuff to do so you're not fretting. You need to find a place to socialize--join Weight watchers, cause at least you can go to as many meetings as you want in a week. Or, if you ahve a particular faith or philosophy, join a group with a similar creed, even if it's a club. If you ahve an activity you like, join a community where you can meet others with similar likes.

    I met most of the guys I dated before I met hubby through work or through clubs (I loved astronomy, so I'd go to the local amateur astronomy club, and it was mostly men there, heh.). I met hubby through joining a science fiction/fantasy fan club. You never know what activity will lead you to find a best friend or a life partner. :)

    But since you wanna lose weight, starting with a weight loss support group or an exercise class/group seems good. Think about it.

    And working out lessens stress/anxiety. That's somethign else to think about.

    I hope you can rid yourself of anxiety soon...

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  2. I love Buffy. She kicks ass. And has boyfriend troubles too. :) Anyway, channel all the anxiety into the working out. I suffer from panic attacks, and they lessen when I'm working out. After my separation from jackass husband number one - I was huge, and lonely and raising a kid by myself. Then i got my fat ass a job, started losing weight and realized that I was worth it. Just plain old me.

    You're worth working out for, and just when you've realized all this, and when you start getting all the confidence you need, some guy will see you for you and then you'll have men tripping all over themselves to date you. Trust me - I"m old and I know stuff. :)

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  3. Great job on the exercise! It can make up for a multitude of "sins"... (read: bags of chips). lol Well, maybe it can't make up for the WHOLE bag.. but it certainly helps with the damage! Keep it up! Chin up, the right guy will come along in the right timing. Maybe right now is supposed to be all about getting you healthy.

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  4. How's the anxiety today? BTW, have you used any Cognitive Behavioral Therapy? I've been looking up practitioners/psychologists in my area (hope I can afford it if insurance doesn't cover it). I also have "neuroses"--I have compulsive hoarding and anxiety issues, too, and, of course, overeating/bingeing. So, I think this is the next step for me to take since I have a trainer and am working on my nutrition. I need to get the emotional/mental on a better journey. I hope today is a good, calm, happy, nutritious day for you.

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  5. You haven't cut any food groups out of your diet have you, or cut any down by A LOT? I know that I get extremely anxious, nervous, jittery, and down right mean when I dont eat carbs. I have tried a few diets (like south beach) that have you cut out carbs for the first 2 weeks, and I really go postal, and feel like my world is spinning out of control, and I have no idea why.

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