Thursday, May 6, 2010

The Unexpected Binge

I don't even know what happened to me yesterday. I was super excited to be starting my LHS challenge and to be buying my roller skates and I just binged. It started at noon on the way home from the skate shop with a stop at McDonalds. I was super thirsty because I was stupid and left my water bottle at home and so I thought, "Hey, may as well stop and get some something to drink" and then we get in the drive-thru and I ask my friend, because he was kind enough to drive me out to Vancouver if he wanted anything for lunch, and then I ended up getting a McChicken Meal with a Coke. Funny part is, I DON'T EVEN LIKE COKE! But I drank the whole thing and the cups at McDonalds are not small, as I'm sure lots of people know. I don't know if that was actually funny, or just tragic. Dinner was good, I had a lean pork chop with a spinach salad but almost immediately after, I ate a big bag of Cheese Puffs. And then I had a pint of Haagan-Das for dessert at 10pm.

I went through a long McDicks stage before I started my weight loss adventures and this blog. There was a time when I went to McDicks every day and got large french fries, a large root beer and two double cheeseburgers and I would eat them in my car and put the garbage straight in the outside garbage bins because I knew that if someone found them that I would feel even more ashamed than I already felt. For the longest time, there was a McDonalds cup hidden in my desk because I couldn't throw it away for fear of my mom finding it and knowing that I ate there.

I can't figure out why I keep doing this to myself. The other day I was looking at myself in the mirror and I was so happy about the progress that I've been making in my health but I keep managing to sabotage myself. My problem with eating is not really that I eat a lot to the point that I am full, but that I don't eat a lot and what I eat is garbage. I've been trying to eat more often and filling my body with fuel that I can use to become stronger and give my body the nutrients it can use, not the artificial crap that our body does not recognise as food.

Tomorrow is a new day. I did better today, but not great. My knee is still really sore from working out with Nathan the other day, I think. My eating was better today, but not fantastic. All in all, tomorrow is a new day.

5 comments:

  1. Don't beat yourself up. I did the same drive thru thing with my daughter the other day. I had absolutely NO intentions of eating and found myself ordering two sandwiches instead of one. We have to forgive ourselves and move on. Don't you think? Just like we would forgive someone else?

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  2. Thanks for you comment. I'm trying to move on from what happened, I just want to try and figure out why I keep hindering myself. I want to be successful in the long run, and I think that I'm just missing something that would make me psychologically ready for such a major change. I don't like being overweight, but I've become comfortable with the fact, and in part, being different than the way I've always been is scary.

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  3. Finally making my rounds through LHA!

    Your day sounds like mine yesterday too! I had Mexican, a cinnabon, and ice cream!

    We start today, fresh!

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  4. Change takes time and old habits die hard. We all slip once in a while, remember though we can only go forward. What happened yesterday is in the past. Changing eating habits is one of the hardest things and we need to take the battle one day at a time until it becomes the new habit.

    don't beat yourself up too much, it happens to all of us.

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  5. good luck with the LHA... i'll be right there with ya!! :)

    btw, i know EXACTLY how you feel... i'm soooo bad with overeating and binging... i basically black out while i'm doing it too, and wake up to empty wrappers and boxes... it'll work out, LHA will be good for you and blogging will be even better! we're all here for support, and so that's what you'll get! :)

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