Sunday, May 30, 2010

In the Shallow End of the Pool

In keeping with this theme of getting back on the bandwagon, I wanted to discuss something I haven’t really mentioned before in previous posts. I think that talking about it now of all times could really help me get back in tune with my goals and what it is I want to accomplish. The big question that remains is “Why?”

Why do I want to shape up?

I wish I could be more articulate about this or that my reasoning was a bit more profound but none the less, I want to be HAWT. I want to be smokin’ hot. I want random guys to actually pay attention to me when I’m out with my girls, at a coffee shop, out in public, instead of the alternative of pretending that I am invisible or don’t exist. Anything. I know that it’s shallow and vain, but that is practically the biggest motivating factor. I want collar bones, I have a thing for collar bones and necks. I’ve never had a nice slender, well defined neck and shoulders, it’s always been hidden by a layer of cushion. I want to be able to goof off with my friends and not freak out or feel hindered because I have to pause and pull up my pants because my gut has pushed them down. I want to be able to shop for clothes that I like without having to find the biggest size in the store and then pray that they fit up over my thighs. I want to be able to run without my butt cheeks bouncing up and down (it’s very distracting and embarrassing). I don’t want my thighs to feel as if they are fighting their way past each other when I walk, I want them to slide comfortably past each other, there doesn’t have to be a gap between them (even though it would be nice), I just want to feel comfortable with my thighs. I want to wear skinny jeans and stilettos. Sue me, but I want to be a little bit trampy without looking sloppy and trashy.

I know that most of this sounds really vain, but hey, I’m an almost-20-year-old that is in no mood to settle down and wait to have a couple kids. I’m newly single and I want to have a good time but all my life I’ve felt like my weight has been holding me back. I’ve always been shy because I’ve been conditioned that no one ever really wanted to pay attention to me so I may as well blend into the background and not draw attention to myself. I want to break out of this.

And there you have it. Of course, there are other things like my health and general wellness, and don’t get me wrong those things are important as well. As much as I would rather think about those as main motivating factors, I can’t help that it’s just not the case.


  1. Hi, Emilia! I think it's awesome that you posted all these reasons to shape up. There is nothing vain about any of it. I know you can do this. I'm looking forward to getting motivated and inspired with you!


  2. Nothing at all wrong for being vain. I want to look good. I want to be sexy for my hubby.

    When my boys are older I want their friends to think I'm a milf lol.

    I honestly thinks it drives a lot of people.

  3. Vanity can be a good thing! Recognizing our motivations, and not hiding behind vagueness, is good for reaching our goals.

    I will say that I started at 320. when I was 220, I was estatic. People paid attention to me more, they saw me and said hello, and treated me much more like a "human" than before. So, recognize that a lot of what you are asking for can be seen for confidence as much as actual looks.

  4. Don't let anyone ever tell you that you do not have a "valid" reason for losing weight. I think we all want to look better and feel better. I know I do. And I know what you mean about the collar bones. I'd love to get my collar bones visible again.


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